You won't break me
You won't take me
I will fight you under blood red skies.

--Judas Priest

Brothers and sisters, remember this in trying times.  Our mouths may be bloodied, but we will still shout.  Our bodies may be battered, but we still stand and play.  The foes of rock and roll may jeer at us in dire times, but we will look them dead in their cowardly eyes, flip the middle finger, and say "we are the voice of the free of spirit, and you can't stop rock 'n' roll."

Rock the fuck on,
--RA

EDIT: A friend pointed out how this sounds like I'm above it all. I'm not. I recognize and understand that I played my part too. Sure, I didn't max out half a dozen credit cards and go month to month paying interest on all of them (I have one credit card and all of the balance on it is leftover from being unemployed in early 2008). I didn't trade my car in every 2-3 years just to have a newer one, or buy things I couldn't afford (using the credit card to pay for essentials notwithstanding). I could've opted to live in a smaller place or gotten a roommate to keep my costs down and started building more savings than a 401K at work.

I'm just as angry, if not more so, at myself for being vaguely aware of what could happen and letting myself get fooled anyway.

So keep that in mind- this is as much an admonition of myself as it is of anyone else.

Shut up. No, I mean it. Shut the fuck up.

Let me start by saying I am not an economist, or an expert in economic policy, or an expert in anything political.

With that disclaimer taken care of, shut the hell up. I am so sick of righties and lefties saying "oh, it's the other side's fault for this mess we're in." "Liberals raising taxes" this and "Conservatives are too greedy" that. I'm fucking tired of it.

Here's my take on this mess- it's all our fault. Everyone had a hand in it. While I do feel the lion's share of the blame goes to fatcat investment primarchs who played fast and loose with their companies' numbers to line their pockets, it's not just them.

The government could've tightened regulations on loans; furthermore, I agree with the commentator on NPR that suggested we move property loans out of the goddamned 17th century into the modern era by treating them as products instead of contracts. The basis of property ownership as we know it dates back to a time when only the filthy rich owned land and could afford to keep lawyers on retainer. Now it's gigantic corporation vs. Bob the prospective homeowner. If Bob isn't pulling down at least mid-six-figure range, he isn't going to be able to match the legal muscle of the mighty* mega-loaner (asterisk to denote current economic situation notwithstanding). We can't blame the government completely, because it's not just them.

Corporations decided that in the interest of making bigger bucks in the short term, they'd ship as many jobs overseas as possible. Sure, big dividends for investors in the short run- but somehow I'm guessing that a lot of those shareholders aren't so sure right now. Moving those jobs out of the country meant closing manufacturing plants. I firmly believe manufacturing made us the economic powerhouse we were. Combining outsourcing with the rise of the unskilled laborer making up the bulk of the workforce (aka McJobs), and it is no wonder we're not the economic giant we used to be. We thought we were, but it looks like we had complicated tangle of a straw house that, when examined closely, was somehow holding itself up by belief in the system alone. Even though I fucking hate those CEOs and think they deserve to suffer Communist-style and have all of their assets seized and used to fund job creation initiatives, it's not just them.

Then we have the unions. It used to be that unions were the good guys- standing up against the merciless corporate bastards who'd just assume see everyone else work until they die of exhaustion for a fractional increase in profits. Unions helped secure fair work practices for everyone back in the old days. Unfortunately the pendulum swung too far in the other direction, at least with respect to the Detroit 3, and unions started using their new-found power in corrupt ways. Workers who took two or more hours for lunch every day, or just sleep all day, started popping up, and there was no way to shit-can these deadbeats. Don't say I'm making this up- my father saw this happen in a few Ford plants years ago. It wasn't everyone, and it wasn't even the majority, but it was enough to seriously affect business.

Considering pretty much everyone else but government employees have no pensions or fully-paid health care, why should these union schmucks not have to suffer like the rest of us? Look at Hyundai and Nissan- the labor unions try to get everyone organized and they are trounced in the voting every single time. And when things started getting ugly for the companies, instead of compromising and offering to give up some things, the unions decided to cut off their collective nose to spite their face. So now, instead of having to pay for mediocre insurance coverage and having 401Ks, but minimizing job loss, the Big 3 are going to be lucky if they survive. So instead of everyone losing a little, everyone loses a lot. But you know what? It's not just them.

So let's see- we've got the financial fatcats, government inaction to prevent abuses of the system, corporations selling out the American worker and the country's economic backbone, corrupt union leaders forcing key industries into lose-lose situations...who's left?

Us. The people. All of us- you, me, your mom, everyone. We all had a hand in this too. Democrats- you're wrong, it's not all the Republicans' fault. Oh, don't get haughty, Elephant Boy, because it's not all the Democrats' fault either. This crosses party lines. And once again, in case you need another reminder- Shut. The Fuck. Up.

It's not about Carter, or Reagan, or Ford, or H.W. Bush, or Dubya, or Clinton. This all started because we got soft after WW2. That's right, all the progress we made kicked off a slide into decadence that we're going to have to wean ourselves from. Think about it- all the new, convenient devices that came about in the 50's and 60's. The rise of McDonald's and other fast food in the 60's and 70's, and the "bigger, better, faster, more" mentality that Ray Kroc taught us to believe in. We swallowed it hook, line, and sinker, because it was such a huge leap in our overall quality of life.

It's hard to face up to it- after all, World War II was a horrible period in the planet's history, full of bleakness, gloom, doom, and horrors the likes of which humanity had never seen. It's understandable that people would want to replace memories of how hard things were with more pleasant thoughts and surround themselves with things that fascinate and amuse. The problem is, the honeymoon should've ended after a while, but it didn't.

We got to the point that not only was luxury desirable, it was a standard that any American worth his salt was to strive for and achieve. Before we knew it, we got so damn greedy that instead of fixing up broken equipment, it became cheaper to just replace it 90% of the time.
The irony of this is, of course, that the innovation driven by this want is what is allowing me to type and you to read this post.

Before you freak out and think I'm some kind of neo-hippie zoom dweebie, I'm not saying we should immediately give up anything remotely enjoyable and go back to living as subsistence farmers. We have this technology- we might as well put it to good use. What I am saying is that we can cut back some. We can live more modestly, stop pushing our earnings past their limits, and learn to save some of our income. That's how the rich stay rich (and consequently, why tax breaks for them don't bolster the economy- most of the money goes directly into savings and out of the economy).

So yeah- blame these shadowy others at the top who have been pulling the strings, but blame yourself a little too, for falling for their bullshit. Ponder it for a little while, then decide what you are going to do about it.

Thanks to still being unemployed, plus some career changes I've been considering, I might have to either sell my place or take in a roommate. Neither appeals that much to me, but at the same time doing either would allow me to take a lower-paying job or pay off my debt that much faster, depending on what kind of money I can pull. Likewise, I am tempted to sell my car and buy an old beater if I can make a significant amount more than my remaining loan. I can then turn around and start saving for a new car, or put that money into some other savings.

I have tons of old possessions that I no longer really need, and many of which I don't really want, either. Where a lot of people see having the stuff I have as desirable, I'm starting to see much of this stuff as an albatross around my neck (cue up Corrosion of Conformity...). Sometimes I feel that if I could get to the point where I only had rent/mortgage and utilities that I could really do whatever I wanted. I am thinking of selling down until I reach the point where the rest can fit in a small U-Haul truck, if not a cargo van. That way, if I want or need to move, it will be a lot easier.

I feel like I've been afraid of giving things up for so long that I've let myself get stuck with the best deal I can find, instead of the thing I want the most. I'm still working on what that is, but I know it will include true sustainability, not the near-sustainability I've been practicing for years.

I got laid off New Year's Eve. Again with the motherfucking layoffs to start the new year.

So far job searching has been mediocre at best. I feel like I'm networking and doing well except for the fact that my awesomely slick voice sounds like that of a snake oil salesman. So right now I feel like everyone thinks I'm a self-important asshole. Which I am to some degree I suppose, but not on the level I am likely portraying.

I met one of the bigwigs at a media company I was interested in working for. Introduced myself and fucked it up. His words were polite but his unctuous tone and, more importantly, his eyes, told me another story. If the job hunting club didn't meet in a church I'm pretty sure he would've told me to fuck off, which is just fine since I'd have told him to stick it up his ugly ass anyway. That was one that a former co-worker recommended- "good fit" my ass, he just couldn't get hired there and was hoping I'd make it instead.

Dear acquaintances and my father: I am not a web designer. I am not a programmer. I am not a developer or an IT manager. Hell, I'm not a manager period. I am just jack-of-many-trades dogsbody just a tad too smart for his own good. So stop attributing titles to me for which I haven't done the work- it is not helping. "Oh, but your friend said you've been a DBA.""No, I have had to troubleshoot large amounts of data, including SQL databases, but I am not a DBA."

I can learn shit pretty quickly, but no one fucking gives a shit these days. It's all about 5-7 years' experience in a narrow field, and the only thing I have in that respect is customer service- hooray, the bottom of the food chain. I'm damn good at making people happy in that respect. Don't try to tell me how to help customers because odds are good I'm better at it than you are. Critique adherence to policy if you must, but if you want your bitchy-ass customers happy or at least calmed, sit down, shut up, and let me go to work.

I am a damn good support person, at least on the customer service side of things. The problem is, I fucking HATE it. I've been lying about it to get a job recently. I am good at it but I loathe it- if someone's shitty to me I have to be nice and polite while they call me all sorts of nasty names. If someone calls me stupid I can't tell them how fucking full of shit they are. No, I have to make it all better, despite the fact that half the time the fuckers don't even deserve it.

I'm not talking about the old folks who are afraid of their machines- no, they aren't a problem because they actually fucking listen to instructions. Sure, half the time it's telling them that they might've held Alt too long or that NumLock on a laptop can make some of the keys type numbers instead of letters, but they listen and are almost always grateful when you're done. You punk-ass kids could learn a thing or two in manners from your elders.

No, I'm talking about the "tech-savvy" twentysomethings and the middle managers and all the other assclowns who most likely fucked up their computers because they were messing with shit they thought they understood. The ones that think it's somehow my fault that their laptops are plagued with porno popups or have installed malware onto their machines leading them to the state that is known in the tech support biz as "royally fucked up." Maybe if you'd stop opening every fucking email attachment or torrenting all those MP3s (every occur to you fuck puppets that someone might take a virus and label it "BatCountry.MP3?" And yeah, I am picking on Avenged Sevenfold because FUCK them). Get your sorry stump-fucking asses back to work and leave the slacking to the experts.

Fucking customer service. In case you still didn't get the memo, I HATE it, despite being good at it.

So yeah, out of my leads, one lead just died today, one is almost at the payoff stage (a third round interview and then the final decision), and a couple more are still pending. Got one new one that is only a month contract but is also located at a primo company much more in line with what I really want to do for a living.

I hate this whole process. It's all a bunch of bullshit anyway- either you have to restate your meager achievements in pompous and grandiose terms or you have to shake your friends and family down until they all but secure the job for you. Well, except for your McJobs- mock them all you want, but I am pretty sure few people have to lie to get one.

There's only one thing I like so far- I have gotten more promising leads this time than last and I haven't even touched Monster and CareerBuilder. I am glad the experts are more in line with my thinking- wants ads are mostly a waste of time because how many other motherfuckers are responding to them? Better to find out about a job opening that hasn't been made public, so you're only fighting with two or three other assholes instead of two or three hundred other jackasses.

I need a decent day job so I can start pursuing voice acting and/or starting/joining a band. I'm also trying my best to accept that I might have to do one of the following with respect to my condo in order to go after what I really want:

1) sell it and pray I'm not upside-down on the mortgage.
2) move out, rent it, and hope I can at least break even on rent.
3) Sell a shit-ton of stuff, move the rest into my bedroom and find myself a roomie.
4) Pretend I love some chick so she will share my bed and pay part of the rent- Oh, wait a minute, already tried that one backwards, didn't I?

I worked hard for a lot of this, and now I might have to give it all back. Thanks to everyone who was borrowing beyond their means- you fucked the economy up for the rest of us, you chicken-chokers.

I have a little story to tell about radio...

I grew up listening to a fuckton of radio, and when MTV debuted I watched way too much of that too. I wanted to soak in as much new music as I possibly could, and being a young child with relatively bland parents I didn't get to go to concerts until my teens. I was fascinated with this idea that all I had to do to find new music was to tune a radio or TV somewhere and there it was.

Back in the regulated days, at least where I live, radio had plenty of mainstream big-label stuff, but there were also plenty of artists that got a tryout. Even the Top 40 station would dig up some then-unknown pop artist or rapper and give them a shot. When was the last time you heard anything genuinely alternative on the radio?

The Wildhearts, Hash, Nudeswirl, The motherfuckin' Nymphs...that just scratches the surface of what I discovered thanks to my local radio stations. We didn't have the internet back then. It was either mainstream radio, college radio (if you were lucky, and I was), word of mouth, or tape trading in the backs of magazines (if you could find anyone that knew about anything good). I was definitely not a hip kid, but even I knew about local legends like Valentine Saloon, The Royal Court of China, and The Katies. Why? The radio.

Then deregulation hit. Stations didn't have to compete as hard for listeners anymore, because most of them were owned by one or two conglomerates. Playlists got so routine you could set your watch to them. I am not exaggerating- college buddies of mine were bored one Spring Break so they decided to track the playlists on one station. It was exactly 2 1/2 hours before it repeated itself. It used to be that you could go at least a day or two without hearing the same songs unless some yokel requested them again on an all-request show. At its worst the Clear Channel format means you'll hear the same song at least twice in an 8 hour workday, and 4 times or more if you keep your radio on all day and into the night.

Granted, Nashville was and still is a unique market, so I got plenty of exposure to the local scene via radio too. Even without it, I heard all sorts of crazy shit that I have not heard since and that no one else remembers. Lightning 100 stayed independent through all this mess and while they don't make a ton of money they are hands down the most respected station in town.

So yeah, the tl;dr version? Deregulation killed radio, and working in the business for a while made me realize that a station that plays something like the AOR format of old will not make money. That's why I left, but if I could get a 2 hour rock show where I had the final say in what got played, I'd go back in a heartbeat.

First, let's play catch-up:

- Went to Vegas to hang out with internet friends and had an amazing time. Came back with sunburn and dehydration to a small degree. That dry heat shit isn't a joke.

- My toilet's fill valve decided to not stop running two days before. I have water damage in my ceiling and am getting new cabinets to replace the old ones that are now coming off the walls.

- Not two fucking days after I return, already stressing out over the first water damage, and my water heater decides to choke and die. I didn't need that grand anyway (cramped space required a special short heater, plus installation, plus a nice warranty). My carpet was messed up (but apparently not damaged enough to warrant more than a cleaning and pad replacement- they'd better fucking be right).

- Had to pull another 2 grand from my leftover retirement funds from the last time I was at my current employer. Used it to pay bills and pull myself back into the black. Like I will live to see retirement anyway...

- Job's all well and good, but I am bored out of my mind because there is a lot of work to do. How is this possible? Simple- there are several projects that require advanced knowledge of company-specific setups. I need to know these things in order to help, and despite repeatedly asking, I keep hearing "don't worry about it, man." I want to make your jobs easier, guys.

- Ozzy is doing better know that he's been de-nadulated. He still pees in inappropriate places (it's hard to tell downstairs between the water-damaged carpet, the ineffective repellent spray, and anything that might be genuine pee). He also still bites, but he has only drawn blood once since. I'm still trying to figure out how much to feed him- I want him to grow and get big but I don't want him to be a fatass. Right now 2 5.5 ounce cans of food cover 3 meals and that seems to be right.

- I'm down to 225 lbs. I haven't weighed that since college. I've also started the hundredpushups.com workout and feel stronger already.

"What can I do, about this loveshit anyway?"

That's fucking trite, starting with a song quote (the song isn't trite- The Wildhearts kick ass).  Anyway...my real job starts on Wednesday.  The sooner the cashflow resumes, the better.

I want a woman who is part geek, part freak, and rock and roll to the core.  Is that too much to fuckin' ask?  I've met a few that fit the first two qualities, and no one available that fits the third.  Sometimes I wish I had been more of a fratboy goon than the eccentric weirdo that I am.

For that matter, it'd be nice to find some mutual attraction for once.  As comedian John Fox laments in his song "Fat and 40," 'the ones I want, I can't get.  The ones I get, I don't want.'

The music itself can be learned.  The rock and roll spirit must be forged on one's own.  I want someone who can share in that with me.  Plenty of good women out there, to be sure.  I just don't want to settle.

On the other hand, I'd prefer not to be in John Fox's situation when I am 40, either, so something somewhere will have to give.

Brothers and sisters in the Great Church of Rock and Roll, I have committed a great sin.  Yeah, for I have signed on to LiveJournal, which is something best reserved for whiny emo kids who refuse to get out and meet people in person.

Lemmy said, "don't you listen to a single word, against rock and roll.  The new religion, the electric church, the only way to go." Verily I say unto you now, this might be a way to reach other wayward brothers and sisters, who spend too much time arguing about what bands are "hardcore," or "metal" or other such labels.  I say unto thee that said labels are meaningless, my friends.

Yes, labels serve only to divide us, when we must stand united: punks, headbangers old and new, old-fashioned rock and rollers, rockabilly revivalists- it matters not.  For there is a foul stench in the air, a reeking pestilence forced on us by the fatcats who want nothing less than to consume the fire in our hearts and the freedom in our minds.  They foist mindless pop music, repetitive and uncreative rap, fair weather-patriot country, and disingenuous rock that is pre-packaged and made to appeal to consumer drones who lack free will.  Hate not the genres, for they too once spoke with the voice of the Loud.  Hate those who have silenced it from their halls, and replaced the Loud with filth and lies meant to take from your wallets and your souls and giving back nothing but emptiness.

The Loud moves us all in different ways; so long as music speaks from the soul, the true voice of heart and mind, with the fire and passion of mind and body.  The Loud will keep your heart pure and your mind free.  The Loud will not lead you astray.  Brothers and sisters, take heed: all that matters is the pursuit of the true spirit of rock and roll, for it will set you free.

Can I get an amen?